


The Good News

by SusieBeeca



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Christianity, Fundamentalism, Gen, Missionaries, Mormons, Peridot is curious, Proselytizing, Religion, historical revision, not anti-religion, trollfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 20:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16961256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SusieBeeca/pseuds/SusieBeeca
Summary: Peridot wants to learn about humanity... but stumbles head-first into the worst of it.





	The Good News

Peridot put her hand on the doorknob and shouted out her _“GREETINGS!”_ as she whipped the screen door open. Glancing down, she quickly reconsidered her approach; apparently she’d done something wrong, because the humans, seemingly startled, took a few steps backwards.

“Erm. Hmph. _Greetings,_ ” she said again, this time at a better timbre, then bobbed her head in that conciliatory way she’d been taught. “'It is a pleasure to meet you'," she recited---"I am Peridot, and I represent the gems (and gem-human hybrids) who reside within this habitat.” She tried to keep her face neutral as she ran over the pre-planned script: “How... er… may I help you?”

“Well, we would like to help YOU!”

Peridot couldn’t help but cock an eyebrow at the strangers on her doorstep. She knew humans had odd choices when it came to appearance modifiers, but these two had selected nearly-identical outfits---and not particularly good ones, at that. Their “shirts” had what seemed like unnecessary pockets on them, and for some reason they were dangling with laminated clips containing facsimiles of their faces. Their belts hit too high, their collars too low, their smiles too tight… Honestly, they looked a little ridiculous---but both were sporting ties not unlike those seen on Aquamarines, so Peridot had to assume these creatures were of some importance. “I see. What is this pertaining?”

Despite their smiles, they both looked nervous as they stared at her. “Uh… it’d wonderful to meet you too, miss!” said the one with the short-cropped yellow hair. 

The one with brown hair held up a tome. “Have you heard the Good News about Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?”

That gave her pause. Most of the humans who knocked on the door were friends of Steven’s---a couple were the distributors of written correspondence, one was the warm-faced female who brought boxes full of congealed grease on a bread crust, and the least-tolerable of all was the one who insisted on filming their every encounter. Peridot had become quite familiar with all of them---but these two humans were new, fresh, and seemed to be _oozing_ with earnestness. Their message was novel, and at least a little interesting. 

“Your…. Lord and savior?” she repeated. After scratching her chin, Peridot glanced behind her, then back at the humans. Brown-hair was gripping that tome like his life depended on it. Clearing her throat, Peridot tried to remember the intricacies of human social interaction. “I can’t say the name ‘Jeeziskryst’ is familiar. Is he some form of human monarch?”

Their eyes widened almost simultaneously. “Yes!” yellow-hair said. “Yes, He most definitely is!”

“You’ve never heard of Him?” brown-hair added.

“No, though I must say I’m intrigued.”

Yellow-hair beamed. “He will save all of mankind!”

That’s when she brightened. “Oh! Well why didn’t you say so?” Her belly fluttering, Peridot splashed her hands out to the sides and crowed “As the leader of the Crystal Gems, saving humans is my almost-top priority!” Pointing over her shoulder, she went on: “I’ve prepared some tea with ice in it---hence, ‘iced tea’. Would you like to drink some? You can tell me all about this person while you do so.”

She must have done something right, because she’d never, ever before seen humans so delighted. 

~

Pearl sighed as she rubbed Peridot’s hair. The clipboard and the hideous petition that had been attached to it had long since burned to ashes, but the poor sweat-soaked gem hadn’t emerged from under her blanket for the last hour, and she was still shaking.

“ _W-w-w-hy,_ ” Peridot said hoarsely, for what had to be the seven hundredth time. 

“No, no,” Pearl murmured as patiently as she could. “It’s really not like that.”

Peridot winced, tears stinging her eyes. “B-but… but… they said he hates people just because of who they love!” A horrible shudder wracked her tiny body. “It’s H-H-Homeworld all over again!”

Pearl closed her eyes. “Peridot. Who are you going to believe---two silly humans, or me? I _met_ him! He was actually very sweet and kind.”

She opened one sticky eye. “Really?”

She nodded, then risked a quick kiss on the frightened gem’s temple. “Yes. Jesus was delightful. Honestly, he had to be the best man I've ever encountered.”

Amethyst gave her friend’s foot a squeeze. “Yeah, what she said.” Then she snorted. “Kinda weird how some of his followers ended up being assholes.”

_”Amethyst!”_

**Author's Note:**

> Ha. Okay. I hope this clears up my viewpoints: I 100% respect Jesus of Nazareth, but I've been abused by his so-called followers over and over again. I just wanted to explore how Peridot would respond to some of it.


End file.
